Friday, April 22
Genesis 22:1-14
Psalms 22, 40, 54, 95
1 Peter 1:10-20
John 13:36-38 or John 19:38-42
“Watch his eyes for the slightest movement.” (Ward Sister Northampton General Hospital 26 years ago this last Ash Wednesday).
34 Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water. John 19:34 (New International Version, ©2010)
We stood at the foot of the bed with David Williamson, the curate from our previous parish who had driven many miles over the past few days to be a God-given presence in our waiting. We watched as the tests for death were performed. The only one I remember is ice water injected into the ears. Nothing. After three days of total inactivity whilst on a respirator I am not sure that I really wanted to see any reaction.
One of the things which had kept me believing during those three days had been Abraham and Isaac walking up the hill. Those three days might not have been very strenuous activity but they had been a great effort. One of my spiritual mentors had reminded me of this story when I called to tell her about Matthew’s crib death and subsequent resuscitation. We had walked up the hill and now our son was on the altar, a little lamb would come and Matthew would be given back to us to nurture into adulthood.
No flicker of an eye, no twitch of a toe. Death was decreed on March 9th 1985. The doctor and nurses thanked David and me for our consideration. Our consideration? I think for decorum in our grief. Our grief was no less because God, physically in the form of David Williamson, was with us. We still have ‘a gap’ called Matthew. Every time I read this episode in Genesis I am reminded of those three days - the expectation of the little lamb in the form of a flicker of an eye or the suckle of a nipple. After the gathering of the wood there was no little lamb for us on the mountaintop.
The grief is still with us in spite of the years and children since the days of struggle up the mountain and the test on the summit. But grief with God is not as empty as grief without him. So it is with the cross of Good Friday. It is a day of mourning with God.
Jane Brown